dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
