Im at strip club and am horny
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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