I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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