i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
