Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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