I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
