Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
