Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
