Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
