I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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