Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her