Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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