I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think i have two assholes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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