i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.