So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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