i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Welp...herpes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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