my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you never un-have a 4some
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
