Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drunk is not a location!
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