i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
