the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
