Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
