either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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