I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
