My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
