Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
