You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
