Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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