maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
