Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
