yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
