Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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