We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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