No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
