you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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