Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
