This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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