dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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