Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
