Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
