You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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