i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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