hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dear god my vagina.
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