Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
