I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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