Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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