its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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