you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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