so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Alive.
So much puke
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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