we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
