you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
