so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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