Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
