After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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