I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize