youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize