Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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