In the future we'll all be gay
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
