yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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