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I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
