i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
