how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
