sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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