You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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