I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I came so hard my ears popped.
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