How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
