At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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