Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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