I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
